i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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