I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Randomize
