So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
