you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize