We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize