Got a toothbrush?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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