im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
