I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
