Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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