operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Every concussion has its silver lining
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
