I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
