If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
