He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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