I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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