So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
