If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
