I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i was born a porn star she said
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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