I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
