Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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