it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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