I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
