we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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