I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
