He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize