the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
