Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
