Where did you get a picture of my penis
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
