Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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