just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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