This is not my ceiling
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
