is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
