I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
