He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize