stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
