he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
