we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
