You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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