He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
