Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
