I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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