I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
