Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
