The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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