I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
