6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
