I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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