God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I need water and some morals
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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