I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
