My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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