Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
