I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I wish i was in the wii world.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
