3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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