I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
im about as happy as oj after his trial
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
