he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
