We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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