Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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