i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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