Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
