I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
