Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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