You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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