just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
