i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
