God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
