in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
