alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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