I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Hippo gnu deer
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
