that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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