I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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