I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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