I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
