so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
