it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
