A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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