I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
