This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
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