i was born a porn star she said
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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