I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
