i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
