the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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