It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
