wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
It's never too late to be topless.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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