I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
