It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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