Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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