He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
