the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
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