Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
