ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
