You kept trying to hail an ambulance
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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