Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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