you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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