There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
