We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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