Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
