I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
