The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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