well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
