im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
