I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Fuck appropriateness.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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