Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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