with your own penis?
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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